If I knew then what I know now...

Although it's been many years since report cards, classrooms and lockers have been part of my life, this time of year has me in a reflective mood.

When I think back to high school, there didn't seem to be a connection between what I enjoyed, what I was good at, and what I needed to be good at to succeed (whatever that means). The future depended on my grades in Calculus, Biology and English, although I had no idea how they might be relevant to the life ahead of me - I certainly didn't want to close the doors that would be opened by academic success.

I was good at English - the language of words was easy for me to understand and to use, and I didn't have to work to get good grades.

I had to work a bit harder for Biology, but it was interesting enough for me to want to put in the effort. Even though it was a second language, it was worth learning for the glimpse behind the curtain of my own physiology, the revealing of the microcosms within.

Calculus? It was a language that had nothing to do with the world I inhabited. It didn't capture my imagination or reveal anything to me about myself. 

But I felt like there was something wrong with me because I just didn't get it.

I saw this quote several months ago and felt immediately seen:

"If you didn't cry while your dad was trying to teach you math at the dining room table, did you even really have a childhood?"

I wish I could sit down next to that girl at the dining room table and tell her there was absolutely nothing wrong with her. That understanding differential equations was not tied to her value as a human being.

There's lots more I'd like her to know:

• No-one has it all figured out (no matter how confident they seem).

• Her sensitivity is her superpower; instead of hiding it, I'd encourage her to nurture and cherish it.

• No-one can read her mind - It's up to her to ask for what she needs and wants.

• Disagreement isn't bad - it can be a way of learning and growing.

I have a much longer list than this, but I'm curious - what do you know now that you wish you knew when you were in high school? When you were 10 years old? In your early 20's?

Is it possible for you to sit with that version of yourself and hold them tenderly?
To forgive yourself for what you didn't know then?
To love all of the versions of yourself without judgment?
Including the you who is reading this today?