Don't tell me what to do!!

Advice is easier to give than receive

I don't know about you, but I love to help people. And for a long time, that meant listening to them, thinking about how they could solve their problem, and then giving advice. And then taking it personally when they didn't do what I suggested. (Just being real here.)

To flip that coin, how do you feel when someone tells you what you should do, have to do, need to do? I have to admit, sometimes I bristle at well-meaning, but unsolicited, advice.

My coaching training provided some huge "a-ha moments" around giving and receiving advice:

• We already have everything we need within us to decide how to meet the challenges we face. We just need to trust ourselves enough to listen to what our hearts, minds and bodies are telling us.

• If I don't like it when someone gives me unsolicited advice, how do I think they feel when I return the favour?

• Someone else's advice is perfect for them. But, because we are each unique, it will not be perfect for anyone else.

• Active listening and thoughtful and open-ended questions are more helpful than advice. They invite us to consider our values and desires, and create our unique action plans - plans we feel good about.

• If someone comes up with their own solution, they will be more highly motivated to follow through with the steps they've chosen.

Don't misunderstand - advice isn't bad; it can be a powerful demonstration of care and support. Asking for and paying for advice is a step I've chosen many times in working towards my goals. I couldn't have written a book without the advice of people who have walked that path or who work in that realm.

I'm still a recovering advice-giver, so I will not bite your head off if you give me advice. (You may see my brow furrow a bit, and now you'll know why) And the next time I notice I'm in "advice mode", I'll try to pause and ask a thoughtful question instead. And if when I fail, you have my permission to remind me of this newsletter.

How do you feel about giving and receiving advice?
What's the best advice you ever got?
Who do you regularly offer advice to?
What's the best advice you've ever given?

If you like the idea of having intentional time and space for being listened to, being asked questions that invite reflection and creating actions and steps that feel great for you, let's talk and see if coaching feels like a fit for you.